how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
3pm strippers are depressing
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
