One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
