UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
