she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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