if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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