i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize