So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
