i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
