You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
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