im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
