3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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