he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dicks are not precious.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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