whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
