I hate your face
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?