I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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