she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.