Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
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Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.