I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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