she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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