And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
