Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
