On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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