Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
