people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
