When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
