Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
