the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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