I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
