I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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