sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
