if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Damn victory sex feels great
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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