I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
