I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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