You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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