By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
