I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
