My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
