Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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