I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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