We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
