As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
