remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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