It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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