As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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