Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
