i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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