I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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