We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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