i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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