I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
