Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
