You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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