That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
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