I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
