I looked at my own cervix.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
