They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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