I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
