I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
