Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize