No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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