I just saw a hot homeless man
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
