my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
