I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
