4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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