I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Panties = found
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
