I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
