Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
