Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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