Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
