____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
