Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
