He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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