I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you had me at cake vodka
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
