You made me cry and you don't even care
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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