well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
