i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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