clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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