The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
