if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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