I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
